Comments on: One Night Stand- First Draft http://vividdescription.com/one-night-stand-first-draft/ (an online writing workshop) Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:35:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: kristinabrooke http://vividdescription.com/one-night-stand-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-26 kristinabrooke Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:35:17 +0000 http://vividdescription.com/?p=52#comment-26 Sorry that it has taken me forever to respond. Life has been hectic. Thank you for your comments. You are right, I did call it her happy dance. LOL. As for the POV, Lorri and I talked about this very thing. I was doing an exercise where I was supposed to change perspectives- it did not work at all. I will have to revise to keep it on one person. Sorry that it has taken me forever to respond. Life has been hectic. Thank you for your comments. You are right, I did call it her happy dance. LOL. As for the POV, Lorri and I talked about this very thing. I was doing an exercise where I was supposed to change perspectives- it did not work at all. I will have to revise to keep it on one person.

]]> By: Lori.Romano http://vividdescription.com/one-night-stand-first-draft/comment-page-1/#comment-21 Lori.Romano Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:35:40 +0000 http://vividdescription.com/?p=52#comment-21 Kristina--you really have a way of capturing realistic dialogue! I love it, and I wish it came that easy for me! I also really loved the details about Violet's leg shaking. I think it adds a lot of depth to her character to give her this kind of nervous reaction, and the fact that Ashley calls it her "angry dance" (though in the paragraph that begins "Ashley called it her angry dance...", I think you might have accidentally called it her happy dance in the 3rd sentence). One suggestion I do have is that I wonder if it might be beneficial to keep the omnisicent point of view limited to one of the characters. That way, we get to "see" all the thoughts, emotions, descriptions from Ashley's point of view, and we only get a glimpse into Violet's character/personality through Ashley's perspective. Just a thought. Kristina–you really have a way of capturing realistic dialogue! I love it, and I wish it came that easy for me!

I also really loved the details about Violet’s leg shaking. I think it adds a lot of depth to her character to give her this kind of nervous reaction, and the fact that Ashley calls it her “angry dance” (though in the paragraph that begins “Ashley called it her angry dance…”, I think you might have accidentally called it her happy dance in the 3rd sentence).

One suggestion I do have is that I wonder if it might be beneficial to keep the omnisicent point of view limited to one of the characters. That way, we get to “see” all the thoughts, emotions, descriptions from Ashley’s point of view, and we only get a glimpse into Violet’s character/personality through Ashley’s perspective. Just a thought.

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